AWARENESS OF SELF
It has been a trip to discover myself.
It is a weird vibe to walk around in your skin only to realize that within you have an entirely disassociated part of you that had been created out of mere survival of which you had no knowledge.
The testament to love being a force that is unparalleled was the path to my becoming whole once again.
In my exploring what self-esteem and really rebuilding oneself up from nothing taught me is that we as humans have the freedom to be exactly who we are, how we are and if we embrace our own unique selves and encompass the principles of self-esteem within, the world really is your creative playground of discovery and amusement.
Your Sense of Self is Determined by Who?
Our formative years play an influential role in how we frame ourselves as individuals. Our influences that surround us as well as the tools and acumen inherently ingrained in us as unique individuals play a role in who we become as adults.
One theme I noticed when I was elevating and optimizing peoples energy was that most people are not of themselves.
It is as if people have a separate relationship to the entirely of who they are. It is a curious thing as having navigated and healed complex trauma, I am well versed in the being not of oneself. It seems omnipresent to the human experience.
As a parent too, I ensured that while I fielded my unexpected neural health issues that the impact was not going to reverberate to the detriment of my child.
He gets a lot of love and investment and he is a beauty.
There is no way a parent can have misalignments within them and not have their child be inherently impacted by that aspect of them and the relational aspects that yields.
I believe in communication, authenticity and keeping it real with the feels.
Being expressive is a breakthrough force to expansion of oneself and cultivates a good esteem within a child when they are gifted time, space and attention pertaining to their life experience unfolding before them.
His Papa Bears investment and calm and level demeanour has been our saving grace in terms of keeping our little guy protected and regulated from the trauma reactivity that was recycling in our dynamic due to my wiring and the subsequent discovery and healing of it.
The journey I have taken with his Papa Bear the last 2 decades has been ripe with all kinds of the human experience in both polarities of light and dark.
The beautiful aspect of the love we share is that we always seem to return to it despite how very different we are.
We have a shared love of one another as partners, as autonomous individuals and as co parents.
It is a sweet vibe when you can regenerate adventure, fun, laughter and silliness in a love relationship.
Life is meant to be fun and the relationship you keep with yourself determines the relationships you keep with others.
I am of good fortune in this life to be loved by two beautiful males I have in the MPV’s.
As humans when we venture to expand ourselves, there exists with that a natural byproduct of contraction.
With suppressed ill repaired trauma it is a beast to manage because you don’t know what you don’t know you have experienced until some sight, smell, touch or sound transports you psychologically and surreally to a place where you are in fear for your life and safety that your animal brain takes complete control over your state of being and you defend yourself as if you are under attack by an army of raging men wanting to kill you.
Trust me, you learn things seeding yourself back from this state of being.
I Have Learned That Honouring the Self is a Life Giving, Life Nurturing & Life Saving Endeavour.
It is also the natural order of things and the indoctrination’s of doing for others before you do for yourself is askew to our divine rights.
To be free and open to love and express exactly who we are as autonomous human beings on a shared planet with shared families and lives to live whatever that looks like to us as invested caretakers of our highest versions of ourselves.
Anything within you that does not belong there, you will undoubtedly know it by your feels. If you are in the depths of low vibes, then your SoulSpeak is probably yearning to be heard.
Our natural state of being is to be peaceful, to feel loved, to know we are accepted and included and loved and thriving just as we are where we are in this moment.
Any resistance to anything is unnatural to flow of life, so there is work there to be done or insights to be uncovered should a person find themselves in a state of being that is consistently resistant to things.
Joe Dispenza explains it beautifully in describing how we become the characters we are by the emotions and thoughts in which we habituate.
Self Awareness and Loving the Authentic Self is a Pursuit that Yields Priceless Returns.
In order for you to be able to do this as a parent, you have to have a pretty solid handle on your own sense of self and how you dial in your vibe.
Asking yourself in awareness if you are indeed cultivating love in all areas in which you express yourself is tantamount to the love your children will feel and perceive from you.
It becomes their blueprint for loving.
Holding people accountable for their misaligned behaviour and how it impacts your psychology and emotional well-being when impacted by it is a testament to your sens of self-worth and your assertion to that aspect of yourself.
To normalize any act perpetrated against another that is not aligned with dignity is to be complacent in the act.
This world shows us that people and industries normalize some pretty low vibe behaviours and practices and label it as the way the world works and people who haven’t been gifted the education of self mastery tend to go along with the masses.
It is Revolutionary to be in Ones Own Skin Fully, Completely and Without Apology.
The new models of reality that are offered in the mainstream today demonstrate to anyone who is willing to make the investment are able to create the life of their choosing. Even amidst the “restrictions” that are ever present in the global consciousness of present.
A good feel to holding yourself and others accountable for dignified and esteemed vibes is to understand that you need not be aggressive to have an opposing view on your dial in.
It seems with a global pandemic that reactivity is at an all time high and people are reactive and defensive.
Maintaining a sweet vibe within means you nourish your feels with a sweet vibe geared towards your own well-being and in doing so you demonstrate a superior vibe to your kids should you have any.
MEETING YOUR INNER CHILD
There exists within each and everyone of us our inner child.
If you were lucky enough to have a connected and loving and regulated set of parents during your formative years then you are probably well-established in your sense of self and how you fit into the world around you.
This isn’t always the case, though, sometimes the nature of someone is at a dissonance with the nurturing around them and then that provides a conflict in terms of ones own sense of self.
No matter who you are or where you come from, you have an esteem of your own self to manage.
I have played the victim card within where I make everyone and everything responsible for my woes.
That is the pits and despair of a trauma ridden life experience and the reactivity to unreal threats that seem very real is a beast to manage and overcome.
Our lives were never meant to be dictated or controlled by the opinions and indoctrination’s of others.
Not even our parents.
That may be a hard pill for some to swallow but the truth is that your parents are people who have been guided before them and they before them.
Some break their own molds and others follow the collective and some are just not meant to be parents at all. Some make a great job out of raising their young and others, not so much.
The end result always leads to the same conclusion – at the end of the day no matter where your roots spring you forth from, it is you and you alone that has to exist and live in your own skin and it is you and you alone that has to live with the choices and allowances you make in your life experience.
If there are aspects of yourself that have become your MO because of others peoples opinions and labels of you in your family dynamic, understand that if those labels and projections of you and your true authentic characteristics give you a feeling of discomfort or untruth within you, then speak up and out to express and honour the magic that is you!
Dialing In The Practice of Living Consciously – Of The Self
Here is a method to assess how really conscious you really are:
TAKE AN HOUR TO TRACK YOUR AWARENESS
To be living consciously, the first pillar of self-esteem, it is a good feel to determine where you put the majority of your focus and attention throughout the day.
To live consciously is to be conscious. A fun exercise, (or not so fun if you are resistant to self development) is to track your awareness for an hour of the day.
What does that mean exactly?
In many books we hear about the power of presence.
To be able to be fully present in your own skin and fully embrace each moment is a feat that very few endeavour to master. If, however, you do cultivate a positive relationship with the presence within and about you, then you will begin to see more and more how creatively empowered you really are.
INSIDE, OUTSIDE AND IN THE MIDDLE
As humans in a world of developed technology of our own creating, we have many attention points in which we can choose to direct our focus throughout the day. Living consciously means being aware of this aspect of ourselves and the way we live our lives.
This exercise that follows is fun to do with your kid(s) or even a fun vibe of silliness and connectivity to whomever you are sharing space, and if you happen to be on your own, then it proves a sweet feel.
Esteem and the exploration of consciously cultivating it as a practice may seem counterintuitive and bring up judgements in the application of them, but that is all good as resistance shows you that you indeed do have some inner work to complete.
Tracking your attention and your awareness is one of the most efficient ways you can see how in charge you really are of your state of being and level of self awareness.
The point of this exercise is to become consciously aware.
As humans, we have 5 areas in which we can direct our focus.
There is only one area within these 5 that give you creative control over your momentum forward.
1. The Past
2. The Present
3. The Future
4. The Thoughts, Feelings & Words Within You
5. The External World & People About You
The most creative and optimal place a person can be is in the Present. Fully.
This is where all your creative energy proves to have the most influence. You may notice, however that if you consciously choose to TRACK YOUR AWARENESS you may find that your attention is indeed, not your own.
Taking an hour out of the many years you will have on this globe to elevate your state of being and your level of conscious awareness is a sweet feel!
A fun way that you can do this is to track your awareness.
Before you do anything, say anything, go anywhere, you state beforehand in words and mental focus what you are going to do next.
This may seem ridiculous and silly to you but the purpose of the exercise is for you to gain an awareness and recognize how in charge you really are with your focus and attention.
Before you stand up, you say, I am going to stand up.
Then you stand up. I am going to the door.
Then go to the door. I am going to grab the door handle. Then grab the door handle.
I am going to turn the door handle and pull the door open.
Then turn the doorknob and pull the door open.
When you implement this activity as a test to your own conscious awareness then you see very quickly how your subconscious/unconscious programs direct and govern your life. When you are with an optimal governance of your state of being and your attention and focus then you literally are creating every moment in which you are moving through.
in words this concept probably sounds simple and easy peasy lemon squeezy but if you actually put it into practice and take the time to try it out, you may just see that you are not so in control of your presence as you had perhaps thought.
THE GROUNDHOG DAY EFFECT
Most people who have seen entertaining movies are well aware of Bill Murray. His movie GroundHog Day was a beautiful metaphor for the manner in which we HABITUATE our lives.
The habits you keep day in and day out determine the life you unfold for yourself.
Developing the habit of self awareness and tracking your attention can allow you acknowledge and hopefully disperse any recycled energy (thoughts, words, actions & emotions) that you are perpetuating that doesn’t serve you.
I spent a good amount of months, even years, beating the drum of resistance to what is.
This was not conscious on my part as I had not the regulated acumen of a healthy overall physiological and psychological educations and nurturing.
All my life’s events unfoldings have taught in me in hindsight.
Due to the intense nature of my life experience, it has offered a breadth of growth opportunities and abundance of knowledge on the human psychology and the impact normalized toxic stress has on a human physiology.
That is a crazy place to be in, a state of resistance, to anything really.
The reason it is crazy is because it goes against the natural flow of life.
Life flows effortlessly and beautifully and the only time it doesn’t is when it is reflecting back to us who we are being.
When we are being dissatisfied, indignant, repulsed, annoyed, irritated, aggravated, judgmental, blameful, crass, negative, apathetic or complacent – we are not within ourselves whole.
The reason I know this to be a Truth is seeding a psychology of near suicide to one that can enter into ethereal spaces of the most extraordinary kinds. In accomplishing this it lends itself to the understanding in psychology, emotion and spirituality that indeed we are all really so much more than we have ever been taught to believe about ourselves and our creative freedoms as humans.
Each human has the opportunity to be a conduit to a higher intelligence and intuitive guidance. There is a system in place within you that enables you to KNOW. It is a subtle and quiet voice that\ governs your well-being.
Many systems are indoctrinated into humans as they grow to believe in a certain modality of the world as though they must strive to be a certain way in order to achieve a certain framework of life experience and very little focus, until recently has been put on the regulation and esteem of ones own psychological and physiological processes.
Transcending duality while remaining in a world of polarities is a trip, but a sold sense of self derives from one facing oneself and acknowledging that not all is as it seems and it does well to serve your own dignity, honour your own truest and deepest feels within and have the courage to stand in your own skin and be there fully with unconditional love and acceptance.